Call me crazy.....

......but yesterday I realized I love to workout!!

I know that shouldn't seem like a shock.... after all, I run a fitness studio. I really thought I'd lost my love for exercise, but thankfully I'm pretty sure I was wrong.

I started out life loving it~ I grew up in a time when we were forced to play outside or sit and watch bad soaps on TV after school. X-box and iPads didn't exist. Mom enrolled me in swim lessons and that grew into a 12 year love affair. I wanted nothing else! I practiced before and after school and traveled to swim meets every weekend. My friends were swimmers. My moms friends were swimmer's moms. My first boyfriend was a swimmer.
But then tragedy struck.... I got burnt out. I realized all of the things I missed because I was always swimming. I wanted to be in choir and get a job and hang out with my friends on a Friday night. There were no long goodbyes....I walked away quickly, never looking back.

I didn't exercise again until I was in my late 30's. But this time it wasn't for love, it was out of necessity. I hated myself. I hated the body that seemed to betray me every chance it could. I was out of breath, I was frequently sick and I was overweight. I felt ugly.
How did I get there? Who knows.... I worked long hours and when I came home I sat. I had 2 beautiful babies and used the "this is the one time in your life it's ok to be big" excuse. I dieted and had no energy. blah, blah, blah......
However, one day after a particularly miserable shopping experience, I decided I had to do something. I cried all the way home from the mall. When I got home I made a call. I signed up for an expensive class, knowing if I wasted the money and didn't follow through my husband would be mad at me. As soon as I hung up, I drove down and paid for it. There! Done! Now I would exercise!

Day 1 sucked, but hey. my most recent day 1 (Monday) did too! Day 2 was a little better~ at least I knew some people in the room. Day 3 I felt like I knew what I was doing and..... Day 4 I fell in love!!

I continued working out and eventually realized I loved it so much that I wanted it to be my life. I quit my job, trained and opened my own studio! The busy-ness of it all wore on me over time and eventually I started making excuses. I slipped in to a period where, even though I loved my job and the people who came through the door, I wanted to be somewhere else during the hours I wasn't scheduled. I missed my family. I missed having free time! I was burnt out. Again, there were no long goodbyes...

Which brings me to today.... or rather yesterday. Yesterday, I struggled. I wanted to listen to my body. I wanted to go home. And then I realized that it was just like before~ my body was trying to betray me. Sore arms, sore legs and crazy pain in my back. It's like it was saying "you're really done this time~ you're too old, give up". But I worked out.

I didn't do it because I wanted to, I did it because I'd told you and every person at the studio and all of my friends that I was going to reach my goal weight by December 10. I can't do that if I don't move and I know myself well enough to know more than one unexcused day off spells disaster for me. I started slowly on the bag- Kaylen was a very patient partner :) and within about 20 minutes, my back loosened up and my body felt good.

Tammy pushed.... the music blared.... the room was full of some of my favorite people and it happened.....I won the battle with my body and I beat down the words of self doubt in my head and.....

 I fell in love! 

and it feels good :)